Jeff Bezos’ First Day After Stepping Down as Amazon CEO
It’s not exactly retirement, but it’s close.
By Ian Goldstein and Ryan Ciecwisz
4:00 am
Wake up. Remind internal clock I am no longer CEO and don’t have to wake up so early.
4:02 am
Warn internal clock that one more slip up like that and I’ll replace it with an Amazon basics alarm clock. Laugh. Go back to sleep.
4:15 am
Wake up. Remind self that there was nothing wrong with cutting health benefits for hundreds of part-time workers.
4:30 am
Do ten pushups followed by ten Bezos pushups, which involve pressing down on the floor using newly implanted tentacles instead of hands while reminding self that you won capitalism.
5:00 am
Wonder what my name would sound like if I changed it to Jeff Bexos. Or what about Bexos Boxos?
6:00 am
Shower.
6:30 am
Wake up Lauren and ask her what she thinks of the name Bexos Boxos.
7:00 am
Stare wistfully out the window wondering if the new boss mistreats Amazon factory workers…
